Tripping Over The Happy Ending
by Miss Meggie
Summary: Eliot and Parker's attempt to "Be a normal couple and go a road trip" ends in complete magical disaster.


**AN This was written for Ultra_fic/Ultra Woman for the 2013 Leverage Exchange. Many thanks to my Beta Telaryn there is also a "Road Trip" Mix If you'd like a copy PM me. I own nothing but the plot.**

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Being with Parker is one giant headache. The girl is basically a migraine wrapped in spandex. Eliot has always understood that societal norms just don't happen with Parker but when he watches Quinn flirting with her it sets something aflame in his gut. It's something he dare not name or ever actually admit to feeling…jealousy.

He broods for three whole days before Parker notices and asks Sophie what's wrong.

"Sophie says you won't have sex with me or fix me dinner because I flirted with Quinn and now you're jealous." Parker announces.

"That's about the size of it yeah." Eliot admits as he gets up to toss his chili bowl in the sink.

She climbs up and over the back of the couch to sit down. Eliot bites back a groan.

"Why are you so upset? I just took him rock climbing. I'm not even interested in him like I am in you." Her brow is furrowed in genuine confusion.

"Not the point." He fixes her a bowl of chili and automatically grabs the ranch dressing for her. "Point is Parker he wormed his way into the rock climbing trip because he was interested in you. I don't like him."

"Oh." This gives Parker pause. "I wasn't going to do anything with him."

This is one of those moments when Eliot remembers Parker wouldn't know basic social rules and convention if they walked up and politely introduced themselves before biting her on the ass. "I know that, I mean logically I know that you'd never do that but it felt different when I was faced with it. I'm not used to caring."

"Me either. I got it now though, no flirting with other hitters." She grins and Eliot finds himself fighting his own smile. He hands her the chili and watches her mix in the ranch dressing, his stomach lurching reflexively. "Gross," he mutters, unable to hold back.

"You have no sense of culinary adventure," she retorts, pressing her feet into his thigh.

"Whatever." He likes them like this, picking at each other and just being together. It's the part of them that works despite the complicated dance they do.

"We're coming up on year together. Sophie tells me it's like important," Parker says while chewing.

"We are, and yes our anniversary would be important if we were normal. Instead we're five different shades of crazy."

"Let's be normal then. Do things normal couples would do."

"Have sex in a bed you mean?" he teases.

"Beds are boring. I was thinking a road trip. There's that car show you wanted to go to in Maine. I've always wanted to see all those freaky road side attractions. We could always steal something."

He's not sure why he's thinking of agreeing to this. Parker is a terrifying driver and he can't in good conscience subject unsuspecting travelers to her unique brad of road rage.

"I won't drive and I'll let you control the radio."

"Okay but I swear to God Parker if you-"

"I won't do that again even though you liked it!" He waits. "I promise," she adds.

He sighs. "Okay get me a map."

"That tree you hit wasn't even that big," she adds defensively.

"Parker," he growls.

"All right I'm goin'. Sheesh - one badly planned blow job and I never hear the end of it."

Parker leaves the radio alone for exactly forty two minutes before caving and filling his Dodge Charger with horrible pop music. One more Katy Perry song and he may actually put his head through the windshield.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out. He rolls down his window and tries to enjoy the drive while he waits for Parker to fall asleep.

Parker never does fall asleep; instead she leans on him and does a crossword puzzle. "An Afghan coin? Three letters. "

"Pul. P – u – l."

"You come in handy you know?"

"I aim to please, darlin'," he replies, putting on the blinker to make a turn.

They drive awhile longer. "I'm in the corner watchin' you kiss her, oh oh oh." He sings along with Robyn absentmindedly then stops when Parker laughs.

"I think I broke you!"

"Just habit." He blushes slightly. "Can we change the station please?"

"Sure."

He flicks the station over to country. "For the record? I don't break."

They stop to see the world's largest frying pan. It turns out to be nothing more than a stench- filled hole in the ground.

Parker stomps ahead of him, kicking at loose gravel with a sour look on her face.

"Sorry, Sweetheart," he says.

She stops walking and turns to him. "That's false advertising. I say we con them." Eliot catches up to her.

"Parker you can't con them just because they conned you." He puts his arm around her shoulders.

"Well why not?"

"Everyone gets let down by this shit, that's just Americana!"

"Whatever."

He kisses her cheek. "Upside? There's a bar across the street." He smiles and pulls her in that direction.

They check out a few more roadside attractions. They fight over the radio some more. Eliot even caves in the face of her begging and lets Parker drive. He's not as surprised as he should be when he's rudely awakened from his nap by her crashing into a sign declaring they are now entering the town of Storybrooke Maine.

The ripe string of swear words he's ready to let loose on die on his tongue when he sees her bloody forehead and the spider webbed safety glass of the windshield.

His gut twists as he unbuckles his seat belt and turns her towards him, "Are you okay?"

"Eliot, I swear the sign came out of nowhere. It was like magic."

"Yeah, darlin' sure," he murmurs. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"What kind of name is Storybrooke anyway? It's like they want to bug the shit out of you," she rambles

"Parker! Concentrate. How many fingers?"

"Three. I don't have a concussion. I'm fine."

"Follow my finger."

"Eliot…" she whines.

"Do as I say." She acquiesces. "Good girl – that cut is gonna need some stitches."

"Okay, lets go find out what kind of screwball town names itself Storybrooke."

Eliot knows as soon as he steps over the town line that Storybrooke is a magical realm. He thought he'd left magic behind in another lifetime as Lindsey McDonald but it's back again and already drawing him in. This time though, Parker is with him and she's more important to him than anything magic can provide.

He doesn't know exactly what this town is or what's happening in it, but he knows he has to get them out of here.

They don't have to walk very far before hitting the town square. "It's like something out of a book." Parker comments.

It hits Eliot then that with all of Storybrooke's picturesque little shops and diners, that they might have stepped into the much debated fairytale realm. "I have got to get us out of here," he grumbles.

"Why? I think it's nice." Parker replies.

_Because you'll anoint yourself Robin Hood if I give you enough time,_ Eliot thinks to himself. Instead he says, "Look, there's the hospital. Let's get you cleaned up."

He fills out the paperwork using their aliases of Alice White and Brad Mackey. Parker sits on the end of the gurney, feet kicking away.

"How's the head, Babe?" he asks.

"The bleeding's stopping. Listen, I'm sorry about your car."

He shrugs, getting to his feet. "No big deal. You're safe – that's all that matters. Besides dating you is always bound to incur some collateral damage. " He kisses the uninjured side of her forehead. "Gonna see if I can rustle up a doctor for you."

"Give 'em your best Shirley McLane, Sparky." Parker teases.

He turns and stares at her until she admits, "Watched Terms of Endearment with Sophie."

When Eliot returns from retrieving Doctor Whale he finds Parker talking to an auburn haired woman. The woman leaves when the doctor comes in to treat Parker.

"Who was that?" Eliot asks.

"Belle. She has amnesia."

"Belle got a last name?"

"No, but neither do I."

"Point taken."

The doctor starts his stitching, and Eliot watches with a critical eye.

"Will I have a scar?" Parker asks. "Scars are cool. "

_Only Parker,_ Eliot thinks.

Eliot returns from getting Parker a mini box of cereal to find Parker talking to Belle again. This time there's an older gentleman leaning on a cane and watching them from some distance away.

Eliot walks over to him. "Can I help you?"

"Belle does not make friends easily, not since her accident."

"Yeah, well, Parker sure is something any way you look at it," he replies, trying to ignore the way the man makes his skin crawl. "I'm Eliot."

"Mr. Gold. And I agree she is something; the magic of innocence is strong within her," Gold replies, turning to Eliot with steel in his eyes. Just for a second Eliot's blood runs cold.

"Oh don't look so shocked my boy, the black spots on your soul called to me the moment you arrived. Your lady's innocent heart is just serendipity."

"What do you need with a thief's heart?" Eliot growls. Fear kicks up his heart rate.

"Not the heart of a thief but that of a true believer."

"Whatever gets us to the point?"

"Belle has amnesia. The innocence in Parker's heart can restore Belle's memory."

"I will not let you have her. You'll have to kill me first."

Mr. Gold laughs. "That can be arranged."

He snaps his fingers and everything goes black.

Eliot feels tiny pebbles hitting his face. His eyes open and he is lying in a lush green forest floor.

"Eliot, are you alive?" Another pebble hits him in the face.

"I'm still here, darlin'; quit throwin' shit at me." He rolls over and sits up, giving his head a moment to clear. Then he looks up to see Parker trapped in a cage made of large tree branches. He rushes forward, intending to free her, but as soon as he touches it he's shocked by purple electricity and thrown back thirty feet.

"Eliot!" Parker screams.

"Not dead!" he shouts back, trying to diffuse her panic. He gets to his feet with a few grumbles and curses.

"That is some kind of security system." Parker murmurs.

He approaches the cage with more caution this time. "That ain't security babe, its magic."

Parker shrugs as though the information is meaningless. "Okay." She studies the structure for a moment, then he sees her expression crumble. "There's no lock. I can't pick it."

"It's not a safe, Parker. It's an enchanted enclosure." Eliot sighs. He walks around, trying to sense a weak spot in the magic.

"How are you going to get me out?"

"By doing something I really shouldn't."

Gold's cane crunches the leaves of the forest floor.

"Where are we going?" Belle asks, looking around her.

"To get you back," is his only reply.

"By doing something I really shouldn't." The man who once called himself Lindsey says just as they entered the clearing where he had ensnared the prey.

"Tsk, Tsk. Lindsey Macdonald never learns does he?" Gold says smiling his snake oil salesman smile.

Eliot glances back behind him. "Oh yes, I know who you are Mr. McDonald – the not so quite corrupt lawyer who couldn't pick a side and paid quite dearly with his life…or so one would think? But-"Gold shrugs his shoulders and leans forward on his cane. "Even in a world supposedly without magic, wonders never cease."

"What's he talking about?" Parker asks.

"Another life," Eliot answers flatly. He never takes his eyes off Gold. "You'll have to go through me to get her, and since you know who I was, you already know I'm not an easy kill!"

"What is happening and why am I in this cage?!" Parker says, stomping her foot. Her voice is rising, becoming exasperated and shrill.

"You have the heart of a true innocent and that can restore my true love." Gold answers

"What? No! "Belle says, speaking for the first time.

"You see, dearie, it matters not what any of you want." Gold flicks his wrist when Eliot charges, sending him flying into a tree.

"A little rusty are we?" Gold teases. Reaching into the cage, he shoves his hand into Parker's chest cavity like stabbing a hot knife into butter.

Belle rushes forward. "I don't want this! I don't remember you, no, but I believed you when you said I made you want to be better."

Parker gasps and Eliot knows - having had his own heart ripped out a time or two - that Gold's finger tips are brushing the outer lining of her heart.

He kicks into action. "I can give you something else!" Eliot shouts. "Better! I can teach you all of the magic of my realm. I can give you power! Please just let her go, heart intact, and I'll show you everything I know. I swear."

"Why?"

"Because, I love her and if you truly know just who I am then you know the deal I made and just what this will cost me. I will lose everything, but using my magic combined with your own, you might regain your Belle." Eliot points out as he puts every last card he has on the table.

"I prefer first born children," Gold admits, "but true sacrifice still gets me every time." He pulls his hand free of Parker's chest and offers it to Eliot. "Deal?"

Eliot nods, taking it in as firm a grip as he can manage. "Deal."

Eliot shows Gold all of his magic and Parker is safe for now. He sits in a booth at Granny's Diner glowering at his slice of pie. Parker is in the counter talking to a young boy, while blowing bubbles into her milkshake.

Belle slides into the booth opposite him. "I know there are things I don't remember, like why Mr. Gold is so drawn to me or loves me, but I know distress when I see it and I'm sorry to have caused it in you."

"Nah, sweetheart, I don't blame you for anything. Honestly in another life time I'd have done the same thing. Hell I kind of did making the bargain I did. I don't regret it at all though, and somehow I think that is one point on which Gold and I agree. Love is a powerful motivator, whether it's love of a woman or power itself. It's all the same at its most basic level."

"If you have no regrets, then why are you scowling? Or is that your natural state?"

Eliot laughs tiredly. "Parker would tell you it was. No, I have to make her go home without me. It'll be a hard sell, and not just because of my own selfishness. You see, Parker - once she steals something whether it's your heart, her confidence, a family – anytime she gains something it's for keeps, no matter what."

"But?"

"I can't take her with me," Eliot sighs "The people, or forces of magic, I defied to save her are immensely powerful and are doggedly determined. They will literally send minions of hell to find me and I won't drag her along behind me hoping they won't use her against me."

"If you think I'm going anywhere without you then you are crazier than I am." Parker states, anger coloring her words.

Now, standing beside the car after having railed at Eliot for an hour with no results, Parker's head of righteous indignation gives way to confusion.

"I don't understand. Don't you trust me to have your back?" she asks.

"Yes."

"Then, what?"

"That law firm I worked for Parker, they weren't paper pushing pansies. They brokered in black magic, they had no morals whatsoever. I didn't survive the apocalypse - a fucking karaoke singing demon shot me!"

Parker, God bless her, laughs. It's the right response, even though it stings.

"Okay, it wasn't my finest hour or even the best example to give, but really I need you to go."

"Why?"

"Because the deal I made was if I ever used magic again the dark side of the Powers would own my soul. Mostly, I need you to go because I love you." He says the words plainly and truthfully, and Parker freezes. "You have to go because I love you, and they'll use that fact to torture me. They'll break me down and rip me to shreds, and there won't be anything I can do to stop it. I've seen them do it. You are the only weakness I have left Parker. For your sake and mine I need you to go."

The good bye kiss is one that lingers but still doesn't last long enough. Parker gets into the car not because she is doing what she thinks is right, but because she has that creeping numb feeling that comes with emotional overload.

She starts the car and sets the radio to the classical station. She doesn't look back at him - she can't. If she does, the fact that she loves him back will make her stay. She'll become a liability and get him killed.

She drives off.

Parker is five miles out when the tears sting her eyes and not even Archie's breathing tricks or Yoyo Ma's version of Bach's Cello suite swelling around her can calm her. She is actually very pragmatic about some things: she can accept magic is real, and that she'd nearly been an organ donor today. She thought she could always trust Eliot to do what's right, but this just isn't.

They're a couple and that means they make decisions together. She'd had no hand in this, but does have the power to change that. _We either have each other's backs or we don't._.

She yanks the car into a wild U turn.

Eliot is standing in line for the bus to Lima, Ohio when he hears a distinctive engine whine.

He lets out a curse as Parker skids into a haphazard halt behind the bus. "Exactly how many miles did you go before turning back?" he asks dryly as she marches towards him.

"Five," she answers. "This is total bullshit. I fight, we fight, Eliot, that's who we are - we fight for the things we want. We don't let other people dictate our lives. That's what you're letting that gimpy man and those stupid magical lawyers do." They are close enough to touch but Eliot can't risk it. He stuffs his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her.

"We also know when to cut our losses, Parker." He clears his throat, uncomfortable with the feelings that are being stirred up. It's now in this moment more than any other that he sees just how much Parker has insinuated herself into his life and into his heart.

She reaches out and tilts his chin up. "You are not an acceptable loss. I say we fight." The steely unafraid look in her eyes surprises him and makes him proud.

"You could die."

She grins crookedly. "Ya gotta go sometime, right?"

They aren't much for public displays of affection - in fact Eliot can't remember the last time they kissed in public - but now seems an appropriate time. He takes her face in hands and kisses her softly on the mouth. The bus rolling away without him doesn't infiltrate the moment. When they break apart, Eliot smiles for the first time that day. "Let's go pick a fight."

The door to the pawn shop crashes open, and the bell rings like Tinkerbelle on speed. The innocent hearted blonde and her rather different knight stride through.

"How can I help you?"

"I would tell you to fuck off and die but I actually need you so here's how it's going to play: you help us like I know you can-" Parker snarls, then picks up a thick, roughhewn baseball bat hefting it over her shoulder, "or I turn your Humpty Dumpty ass into scrambled eggs."

Eliot leans toward her."Babe that's a nursery rhyme, not a fairy tale."

Parker shrugs. "I think my point got across."

Eliot smiles at him sharply. "She's got a mean streak and I've taught her well."

Gold moves as fast as he can to the back of his store. Some minutes later, he returns with a pink vial.

He holds out the vial. Eliot reaches for it only to have Gold jerk it back. "The sacrifice must be hers, to maintain balance. Even you should know that Macdonald."

"It's Spencer and I don't like rules," he retorts.

Before either of them can argue anymore, Parker snatches the vial and tosses back the too sweet liquid in a single swallow.

The voices fade and the world swirls in a mix of color. Parker comes to a stop in darkness, and then bright lights come on illuminating a little pink house with ginger bread trim. A grizzled old couple sits rocking in chairs on the porch.

She approaches them and calls out. "Can you tell me where I am?"

The old grizzled people turn to her with pure white sightless eyes that stare out of faces eerily identical to her and Eliot only older. A shiver slides down her body. "In the Nothingness child," replies the distorted quavering voice coming from the female entity. "A place where time, location, and only very rarely humanity exists," she explains patiently.

"You had a request. Make it with haste or be gone," the male barks.

_How fitting,_ Parker thinks. "Eliot broke your rule for me. I want to fix it, whatever it costs me. I want him safe and able to live without running for the remainder of it." Parker says quickly.

They remain silent for long beats. Parker forces herself not to fidget.

"We, the Avatars, in conference with the Powers that Be hereby decree that you make keep your innocent heart and your beloved Eliot, only if you remain within the confines of Storybrooke, Maine for the remainder of your human lives. You will retain your memories, good and bad, of your previous lives but you will be erased from the minds and times of all who love you," Old Eliot with his white glowing eyes declares.

"Do you accept?" Old creepy her asks.

Parker won't let herself think of the consequences. She just answers, "Yes."

"Be gone," Avatar Eliot says. With a dismissive wave of his hand, Parker's world goes all swirly again.

When Parker opens her eyes she's back in Gold's shop. "Are you all right?" Eliot demands. "What happened?"

"Let's take a walk, Sparky, and I'll tell you everything. I promise."

"What did you do?" he demands as soon as they're free of Gold's shop.

"I did what you couldn't…wouldn't. I was selfish, but I kept us together. No matter the cost."

"So we stay here?" he says, walking before her with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "And do what Parker? Leave the team?" He turns and fairly yells the last part at her.

"There is no team, Eliot. They don't remember us, to them we never happened. You aren't abandoning anyone because there's never been anyone to abandon. You aren't being disloyal to them. As for the memories, we have to live with them but you do that already, don't you babe?"

"So what," he says incredulously, "we make a life here in Storybrooke?"

"Yeah we do. It's a clean slate Eliot - don't tell me you've never thought about. Hell, you've done it! Lindsey didn't become Eliot for no reason, did he?"

"No ma'am. There was a reason behind it. Ok let's do it, but don't you ever call me Lindsey again."

She grins wickedly at him. "How about in bed?"

"Not if you ever wanna get laid again, darlin." He leans forward and kisses her lightly. "Now, is there any part of this plan that says where should we live?"

"Anywhere you want, as long as it's not pink."

Eliot builds them a white and blue shuttered ranch style house with a wraparound porch. Parker works as the town PI and Eliot teaches gym. The days bleed together and they have a life filled with peace and blissful monotony. Later it's filled with joy and noise as their four children begin to arrive.

The house itself soaks up their history, like the kitchen where Eliot will teach Parker the Texas Two Step on the same floor where they will conceive their first child Sophia Lauren Spencer, the door frame that marks three of their children's heights and the fire place where Amity "Amy" Hope will demand her father mark hers.

There are randomly placed pitches in the roof for Parker to keep her rappelling skills sharp, and where one day she will find five year old Tara Layne sitting primly and comfortably having a tea party. They will endure more than a few curious looks when Parker retrieves her daughter herself instead of calling the fire department for help.

Alec Nathan will take his first steps across Eliot's boxing ring in the backyard.

Parker and Eliot had a long and winding and very wild road trip to their happily ever after, but as the years pass and continue to only get better, they both finally accept that they've arrived.


End file.
